Coming out? I’m a queer.
I never expected I will come to a conclusion that I am a queer. People who reject traditional gender identities and seek a broader and deliberately ambiguous alternative to the label LGBT may describe themselves as queer (Wikipedia, “Queer”). I’m 19 now (birthdate: May 5). In my old post (“I’m Indonesian but I love Yuri”), I told my story concerning sexuality. When I was 14, I was falling in love (having a romantic feeling) to a male friend. At the same time, I was liking a female friend. I still have a feeling for them, yet I never confess (I will! But my feelings are rather different now so it’s not to get a yes). That post was my self-proclaim as a yuri fan. I liking yuri has no influence on me liking the two since it happened before my proclaim.
How did I come this conclusion? I kept asking myself about my sexuality (more precisely my sexual orientation). Once I entered university, I got chances studying this (no, I actually studied yuri @_@” ). This kind of logic (what logic?) below took me to this conclusion.
- Am I a heterosexual? I doubt I am. I do see some girls (&womans ＼(~o~)／ ) attractive, but I develop no romantic feeling.
- Am I a gay? I doubt I am. I do see some guys attractive, but no difference.
- Am I a bi? No. The two above explain it.
- Interested being a trans? “I adore females! I want to become like them!” That’s me in elementary school. I still like cute (feminine) things, but I’m not sure. I’m grateful the way I am now.
What left is queer. It’s likely I don’t fit to any stated above (so it’s my only choice (°-°) ). I love yuri and read lots of yuri texts. Yeung Kayi’s thesis (2017), “Alternative Sexualities/Intimacies? Yuri Fans Community in Chinese Context” explains it. Briefly, I embrace an alternative sexuality, a pure relationship named Yuri love. A pure relationship involves mutual self-disclosure to each other in which their trust is built upon communication and the mutual disclosure (Giddens, 1991 in Kayi, 2017: 125).
What is queer, anyway? =_= I don’t really understand what it is. It’s just what the logic (what logic!?) leads me. I have tendencies to care my relationship with males more than females. Does it mean I am a gay? I’M A GAY! SERIOUSLY! But if we see homosexuality (and heterosexuality) as a continuum, everyone is gay (and heterosexual) at some point. Is it necessary to make this distinction in the first place? Yes, but…
Asexual? I think… I’m.. not an asexual. No. I read lots of R-18 manga, after all (@_@).